心语迹痕

July 20, 2010

观音茶馆小记二则

Filed under: 心痕 — by Yilise @ 2:11 PM

某天。选了个靠窗的位置,贪图那斜斜照进的阳光。

是因为夏天来了吗?坐下有几分钟,就有几只苍蝇在面前和窗边飞绕。对想专心翻译的我,实在是个大忌。本来对这么枯燥的东西就不甚耐烦。随手拿起手边的笔记本,飞一个打一个,没多久就拍死三只。终于还我一点清净。

译了一小段。抬头揉了揉后颈。不经意看到其中一只被我拍死的苍蝇,肚子朝上躺在窗台边。“尸首”身旁不知什么时候多了两只苍蝇。一只还半伏在那只“尸骸”身上。那姿势有些奇怪。研究了很久,始终分辨不出,这只苍蝇,究竟是在抢救他的落难兄弟,为他进行心肺复苏术呢,还是实在饿得不行,食其同胞?两个意愿差很多,可是动作姿势仿佛都差不多。还真吊诡。还是我眼光太烂,怎样都分不出。

善哉。在一个这么有禅意的茶馆杀生本已不该。还想这么一些乱七八糟的有的没的。

又一天。还是一个靠窗的位置。

又是翻译到一半。今天是在翻译尾注。一段一段的,译完一段很容易走神。在译完一个莫名写得很长的尾注时(其实所有的尾注都落落长,哭哭),开始放空。

茶馆的桌子都靠得很近。隔壁桌坐着两个老太太。(为什么我老是在茶馆碰到老太太?怎么就是没有什么养眼帅哥?)老太太在闲聊。也不算偷听哦。只是在放空时就是听到了。其中一个老太太很感慨。说她一个朋友七十四了。可是却精神得很。一点也没有自己已经年纪一大把的感觉。自己也七十好几了。却深切地体悟到自己很老很老了。偷偷瞥了老太太一眼。坦白讲,如果不是她自己说,还真看不出她七十好几。头发虽然花白,可皮肤还很好。至少不是满脸皱纹。脸颊还很红润。后来老太太起身离开时,说了声谢谢同伴请客为她庆生,才知道原来当天是老太太的大寿呢。

是因为最近一直一直都在赶工,把每一天的行程堆得满满的,有些累吗?不知为什么,有那么一霎那,很羡慕老太太。活到七十好几的岁月,应该已经到一个无所求的境界吧。该做的,想做的,都已经做了。没做的,也学会放开了。

我知道,这个想法弊端很多。很莫名其妙啦。

可是,真有那么一霎那。想,如果我也七十好几了,我是不是会学会放开很多抓得很紧很累的东西?

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July 1, 2010

Life in 3 Parts

Filed under: 心痕 — by Yilise @ 4:44 PM

It’s been a crazy couple of months. Was in Philly for two weeks to see my dearly missed friends. Returned and took off to the Olympic National Park for the Memorial weekend. Family came to visit for yet another two weeks. Went on a cruise to Alaska for a week. Squeezed in as many Pilates hours and translation work as humanly possible in between the little time left. It was crazy, but also very very fun. It’s funny how one feels really alive only when living such an adrenaline-paced life. It’s like only when we feel we don’t have enough time that we are really making use of time. This is so wrong. Still, I love living life like this. There’s always something to do, and always something to look forward to. I’m still getting 6- 8 hours every night (now old liaoz, can no longer function on 2-4 hours). I don’t spend as much time on the TV, but the Netflix subscription makes sure I still catch a couple of films a week. Life may not be especially easy, and there’s always a burning sensation that I’m on the brink of missing a deadline, but nobody really likes it when everything is truly smooth-sailing, isn’t it?

—-

Watched Remember Me last night. It’s a film I put on the list so long ago I no longer remember what it was about. At the beginning, I simply enjoyed watching a Robert Pattinson with a healthy skin tone. Then I slowly got pulled into the story. It’s a sensitively filmed piece, with great performances by almost all the characters. I love the female lead and her joie de vie; it may be sparked from a childhood tragedy, but it really made her shine. Because I forgot the trailer, I didn’t pick up on the ending twist until about two minutes before, so it didn’t detract me from enjoying the first part of the film and I really got caught into the relationship between Tyler and Ally without having to think of the inevitable tragic ending. That made the film a whole lot more enjoyable. I like how the ending was more poignant than provocative. There weren’t many tears and breakdowns. The film focused more on the living than the dead. Death doesn’t take away meaning from life. I originally was going to skip the film that night, caused I felt too tired for a tearjerker. I’m glad it turned out to be more than that.

It’s one of those days when little things suddenly seem to mean a lot more than usual.

I was feeling a little grouchy this morning. I woke up wishing I could just go back to bed. Feeling sleep-heavy, every move felt a little slower than usual. I left the house five minutes later than I should and when I turned into the 520 ramp and saw the non-moving traffic, a number of expletives ran through my mind. I turned on the signal and saw a little gap between two cars. Intending to cut in, I turned my head and saw the driver of the car giving me a little nod, indicating that he was going to let me cut in. It’s a small tiny gesture, but somehow, it made my entire morning that much better. It was a quick moment in the early morning and I didn’t smile as I usually would, and I don’t know if he could see it even if I did, but somehow, I wished I gave him a smile when I nodded my thanks….

June 4, 2010

碎玉清香

Filed under: 心痕 — by Yilise @ 2:00 PM

頭微疼。一天從早上九點至晚上九點多都對著電腦,也不知是因為一直都在看這發亮的螢幕,還是其他。就是有些疲憊,有些頭疼。

夏天將至。從早上五點,到晚上九點。天都是亮的。有著光,人的心情都比較好。所以說人們在夏天時比較不容易得憂郁症。就算是一天都窩在家中的我,也是在九點天黑時才開始覺得頭疼。

對著電腦的間中,有煮飯。本來周五一般都和朋友吃飯的。但今天推了。因為想待在家做多一點翻譯。也因為過去幾周常在外面吃,想在家吃點清淡的。還有,這幾個月和朋友合訂了每周一箱的有機菜。這種菜很容易壞。想在今天盡量把它吃掉。所以今天就破例吃了全素。

用冰箱裡所有的菜創造了一道自己命名為“碎玉清香”的菜。還蠻好玩的。

就先把小白菜,韭蔥和蘑菇切塊。然後再把青蒜苗和菜頭剁碎。用剁碎的青蒜苗和菜頭以橄欖油爆香,再加小白菜和韭蔥清炒。炒一會兒後再加蘑菇,倒一點生抽和花雕(和一點點自己秘制的調味料),就是一盤色香味俱全的碎玉清香了。嘿,其實就是亂炒。而且如果不是訂了那箱內容不受控制的有機菜,我連韭蔥和青蒜苗為何物都不知道。不過結果還真的出乎意料的好吃。從來不吃青菜的我還會主動夾來吃。一般我炒青菜的結果是我家那口子一個人解決,我吃面湯的。

最近忙得有點焦頭爛額。這幾個月出門在外的時間太多,工作有種絕對做不完的感覺。修的課程的時間怎麼積都不夠。下半年也許還要應付一些意料之外的大轉變,打亂很多既定的安排。年底出國的計劃有很多有待安排的東西未作。家人下周就來訪。唉呦。就是手腳錯亂。

但,卻發現,盡管如此。還是活得很開心。就算忙得頭疼。甚至忙得有點絕望。也許因為無論如何做得都是自己甘願做的。有時候,能夠做自己喜歡做的東西,本身就是一個幸福。又也許是因為身邊一直都有人支撐著。盡管生活還是充滿大大小小的挫折與爭吵。

最近在某處讀到一句話,很喜歡。

下手要狠一點,可作可不做的,做;可放可不放的,別放。

覺得我們對事情,就是應該這樣。才不會有遺憾。

就算只是一盤泡面。吃的時候,轉過頭看到身旁的人認真的側臉,也會有霎那的幸福。

這一篇還真是亂打呢。和我亂炒的那一盤青菜有得拼。

May 5, 2010

Love Life

Filed under: 心痕 — by Yilise @ 7:22 AM

會注意到這個活動,其實開始是因為看了黑人跟范范求婚的視頻。之前只大概知道這兩個人。看了這個求婚視頻後,一時好奇,便找了他們兩個的其他視頻來看。看了范范寫的《黑白配》,還真的有些感動。和朋友聊起,朋友就告訴我最近在台灣鬧得沸沸揚揚的love life事件。說讓我去找視頻來看,很有趣。

關於事件本身,不予置評。我不是黑人。也沒有買love life的T恤。所以也沒有什麼好講的。

只是,看了love life的視頻後。會覺得,至少這個活動背後的理念是很好。是個蠻有想法的一個活動。它不是簡單的一個慈善募款。

第一次看love life視頻時,看到罹患癌症病的小孩,在最後一幕對著攝影機說,如果生命可以交換的話,你願意跟我換嗎。請你幫我們好好活著,好嗎。就覺得,這樣的話,好似和籌款不甚搭。後來,看到黑人在一個記者會上說,這個活動最深一層的理念其實是反自殺,才理解。

要珍惜生命,積極地活。這樣子的話,聽過無數次。也告誡自己無數次。但還是在每每遇到不大不小的挫折煩擾時,忽略遺忘。Love life這樣的一個活動,不論初衷為何,它的每一個視頻都在在提醒我們。能存活的每一刻,都不應視為理所當然。那些小孩們活不了。我們如果無法幫助他們,那至少,要連著他們的那一份,活下去。這樣的一個理念,真的很好。

無論黑人是否有任何的過失。至少他在推廣這樣子的一個理念上所做出的努力,不應漠視吧。

視頻最後的三個字,很簡單。你,活著。但,有多少人能夠體會並珍惜?

在觀音茶館。

這間茶館是我剛搬來西市時,心情一直無法調整過來,平為了讓我比較開心,特地上網去找看西雅圖有沒有我喜歡的休閒茶館而找到的。他帶我來時,真的有些驚喜。

很喜歡這裡的氛圍。茶香飄溢,音樂優雅,裝潢很有禪意。這裡的客人都很安靜。要么就看書,要么就對著電腦打字。就算聊天,也都是低語的。如果要講電話,客人都很自發地走出店外講。一直都想再來。可是都沒什麼機會。今天剛好早上去另一間studio上一個workshop。比較靠近這裡。下午有幾個小時的時間,就決定在這裡,做做翻譯寫寫字。

一進來時就看到坐在靠窗位置的老太太。也許是外面下著小雨,我把外套的頭套拉上,露出兩只黑熊耳,老太太在我進門時對我笑了笑。整家店只有老太太對面的位置是空的。落座時瞄到老太太在寫東西呢。只是和店內的其他年輕人不同。人家都攤開一架筆記電腦,老太太卻是攤開一本筆記本,是真正的紙筆的那種。打開的那一頁,滿滿都是密密麻麻的字。

倒了一杯碧螺春後,很快地就陷入了內亞馬祀的血腥描述中。譯到一半開始想自己干嘛要翻譯那麼惡心的東西。抬頭時,不經意看到老太太摘下了眼鏡。陽光從玻璃櫥窗照進,打在老太太身上。那皺皺的臉頰,清晰地掛著一行淚。看著老太太抬手拭淚,不知為何,這個畫面讓我有一絲絲的震撼。

為什麼要流淚?是寫著寫著,觸動了什麼?是想到了什麼?是什麼會讓一個白髪老太太在午後的茶館流淚。我不知道。也許永遠都不會知道。

可是,我卻希望,有朝一日,年華老去時,我會如她一般。

有著讓人憶起,會坦然地在陽光下落淚的經歷。

那淚,是認真活過留下的痕跡。

另外還有就是,趙小璐!你翅膀硬了是不是!打了三四通電話都不接,也不回電!

April 20, 2010

Filed under: 心痕,乐迹 — by Yilise @ 2:31 PM

春了。天氣忽暖忽冷。昨天氣溫20多度。打開車門時一陣熱氣逼來。還以為誤開了烤箱的門呢。還好我開的是敞篷車,否則前天吃烤肉的報應就是自己昨天變烤肉。以為夏天已至。沒想到今天氣溫一下子就降了10度。還好出門前查了查天氣預報,否則我就穿著拖鞋出門去了,烤肉做不成馬上被冰凍。

每次出門都有霎那的不願。次次都是用類似逼迫的感覺把自己推出門。其實出門是好的。無論陰天艷陽,都多少能呼吸一下外面的空氣,對精神有益。最近幾乎每天都得往studio跑。近二十多分鍾的車程,是很好的整理思緒的時間。與其說整理,不如說放空,然後想到什麼就是什麼。其實這樣對腦袋很舒服。

從我家去studio有兩條路。一條經過三個高速公路。另一條只經過一個高速,然後就割過植物園,再走小路。第一條路比較快。但從第一個高速轉另一個高速時得在短時間直割五個車道再從另一邊的出口轉第三個高速。過程每每驚心動魄。我自認駕車技術不行,所以每次都選擇另一個比較慢,但相對沒那麼驚悚的路。

植物園的那條路,開過無數次了。之前從沒有什麼感覺,只是嫌它有些彎曲。也許是春天到了。也許是今天有些塞車。今天坐在車中等前面的一排車龜速前進時,忽然注意到周邊的花開。橙色,紫色,粉紅色都有。車道兩旁的林蔭大樹青蔥翠綠。有一邊,竟然還是個日本花園。怎麼之前從來沒留意過?世人日子匆匆,原來忽略的還真多。選擇這條路,除了比較安全外,其實還有其他的優點的。慢一點又何妨。

最近有些事情弄得自己很不開心。連續兩天什麼工作都做不了。有些事,一直以為不會遇到。沒想到卻真的發生。除了不甘和氣憤外,更是無助與不可置信,還有委屈。如朋友說,隨著年歲增長,慢慢的,所有可能發生的事情都會遇上。最終,還是回到自身,如何調理自己的心情。日子還是要過。工作也還是要做。總不能要老公天天裝可愛逗自己開心。

一對夫妻要長久相處很不容易。其中講究的平衡,包容都還不是最重要的。最重要還有一份堅持。而且這個堅持必須是雙方的。最近聽了很多故事。加上自己莫名其妙做的一個夢,愈發覺得現在所擁有的一切原來是那麼的難得。但,從另一方面來看,卻也是那麼的簡單容易。

聽了一首歌,其中有幾句歌詞很是喜歡。

既要有我的空間 但又奢想你習慣
祗好嘆一起 真不簡單
何妨自现在起 與你計起
假使真的在乎你
相隔幾呎 至算不捨不棄

讓我家呆子聽,他說廣東話他聽不懂。翻譯給他聽後,他又說他不覺得有什麼特別的。有些氣惱也有些好笑。我們那麼的不同,為什麼又偏偏那麼契合。

很多事情可以復雜也可以簡單。說到底就是不放棄。又或者說是放不下。是誰說的一句話。我們放下了尊嚴,放下了固執,放下了個性,都只因為我們放不下一個人。如此而已。

P/S:我是一個多麼沒有耐性的人,其實在我開車的時候就可以清楚地體會到。今天開上高速時,跟著一輛超慢的車。上高速後就一直沒加速。想超車,但一旁的車道車輛好多,每一輛都走飛快。我本來就討厭換車道。反正不過兩英裡左右就要下高速了,本想算了。但看一看碼表,竟然在走45mph,實在受不了。馬上超車,一換回原來車道就飆到70mph。嘿,那叫一個爽。

March 25, 2010

Filed under: 心痕,乐迹 — by Yilise @ 2:56 PM

每次和人說起我住在西雅圖,得的回應多是:“西雅圖多雨,日子很悶吧。”

其實不然。這要看運氣。比如我周二周三全天窩在家中啃書兼翻譯。窗外就陽光明媚晴空萬裡。今早有課,一踏出門,就陰天細雨,讓人恨不得能鑽回被窩多睡個三小時。

早上還好,不過細雨紛飛。傍晚六點多回家時,卻是許久不見的滂沱大雨。從西雅圖市開回家,路經I90。這條高速地有些陷,有積水。前面車輛也不在乎大雨路滑,車速依舊保持每小時六十英裡。一排三輛車飛濺起的積水比大雨打在車窗上的雨水還多。雨刷拼命地刷,但我從車窗裡看出去的世界,依舊一片雨霧。彌蒙,仿若淚眼。小時候常聽人說,下雨,是天上的娘娘在哭泣。原來就是如此。

不過其實我也不介意。濛就濛吧。在雨中驅車,並聽著陳綺貞的《魚》,其實感覺還蠻好的。最近很愛這首歌。歌詞第一次聽的時候,實在聽不懂。反復聽好多次,才慢慢體味出其中的意思。悠游於大海的魚兒,因為一時貪圖人們對它的好,被關入城市的魚缸。日子久了,發現魚缸的水有多渾濁,想離開,卻已遲了,只換來滿身傷痕。自由的生活,並不容易。但若向往溫暖與舒適的生活,就必得放棄一些什麼。而往往,人都在放棄與妥協後,才發現這樣的交換有多不值得。歌的名稱是《魚》,歌詞中卻只字不提魚。不過在大雨中開著車,聽著“帶不走的丟不掉的讓大雨侵蝕吧”,霎那失神,還真的有種自己是魚的錯覺。

很難得的,今天我比老公晚回家。平常都是我在老公回家前把飯菜燒好等他回家開動。今天,角色首次反過來。在冰涼的天氣中回到家,有熱騰騰的粥喝。這樣的感覺,原來那麼幸福。

其實很多時候,妥協或放棄,視人而異。天下雨了,你是開心還是郁悶,其實在你。雨天,也有其美。最重要的是,下了決定後,就不要後悔。

帶不走的留不下的我全都交付他
讓他捧著我在手掌自由自在揮灑
如果有一個懷抱勇敢不計代價
別讓我飛 將我溫柔豢養
原諒我飛 曾經眷戀太陽

February 28, 2010

Babysitting 101

Filed under: 心痕 — by Yilise @ 8:46 PM

Yesterday marks my first baby-sitting experience, another milestone in my life :p

Kevin and Linda popped by in the afternoon to give us some niangao Linda made. Linda made niangao as it was the last day of CNY and they were doing the rounds. We were their third stop. When they said they were going over to the Seattle side next to pass the niangao to Kevin’s sister and planned to do some grocery shopping at Uwajimaya too, I impulsively said they could leave Curtis at my place if they want – it’ll give them a little alone time to run their errands. Kevin grabbed onto the opportunity and was out of the door before I knew it.

Bleah. I totally didn’t know what I got myself into! Babysitting is way more tiring that I expect. Luckily, Curtis did not cry at all even though Kevin said he’ll definitely cry for the first fifteen minutes. He kept running round in circles and seems tireless. I did not know that two-year-olds had so much energy. My place had no toys and I was afraid he’ll be bored, but he was very happy just running around the place and playing with a handheld massager and the iDog I got for Hongping for Christmas. I didn’t dare take my eyes off him for a minute in case he knocks himself into something – just that stress and fear alone was exhausting. I can’t imagine how Linda and all the other Moms I know do it 24 hours a day!

And Hongping didn’t help at all – he simply sat at his table and worked; only lifting his head occasionally to say, “Hello Curtis”. Little Curtis is also very smart. I told him to go “play with Uncle Hongping”, but he somehow knew he wasn’t supposed to do that. So he’ll run up to Hongping and stare at him silently for a few minutes and run back to me laughing.

I have to admit that for all the stress and exhaustion trying to keep up with this constant bundle of energy, Curtis is a very joyful kid to have in the house. He didn’t throw a single tantrum and his antics of climbing up and down chairs and sofas brought much laughter to a usually quiet afternoon. I actually had a lot of fun taking care of this little two-year-old for the couple of hours. I love how he answers questions with simple childish logic and how he attempts to help in his little ways when I was doing the vacuuming. When I asked if he wanted to help me vacuum, he nodded his head vigorously. He rolled up the yoga mat and put it away before helping me plug in the vacuum, only to run and jump back to the sofa while staring at me with big innocent eyes, waiting for me to finish vacuuming. Kawaii ne!

All in all, it was an enjoyable afternoon and a memorable experience, mainly because it was only for an afternoon. I cannot fathom doing this long-term at all! The responsibility, the stress! Just the thought of it is scary enough. Some people are meant for parenthood and some aren’t. I guess we fall into the latter. Just a couple of hours every now and then will more than fulfill our parental experience ☺

February 22, 2010

À la claire fontaine

Filed under: 心痕,戏痕 — by Yilise @ 3:42 AM

So our drinking water was cut off yesterday night. P was really not happy about that. He loves his water and refused to be appeased by either soy milk or fruit juice or milkshake. Me, I was ok. I don’t like to drink plain water anyway. However, when I woke up this morning without my daily honey sustenance, I realized the importance of the drinking water and repeatedly called the office to send the maintenance guys over. The guy came and it turned out that the water pipe line froze and water couldn’t get past the ice. Huh. It didn’t make much sense to me, but apparently leaving the freezer door open for one hour solves it. Leaving the freezer door open for an hour also softens the ice-cream, making it easy to scoop a huge spoonful out to make milkshake smoothies that isn’t half-froth. Yum! Good things come out of bad things.

I also took the opportunity to ask the maintenance guy why our fridge doesn’t give us ice cubes/crushed ice. Apparently, it’s because we never turned the ice-maker on. Okaaay. Four degrees between the both of us, and we did not know that we have to turn the ice-maker on to make ice. Nice. And now I hear ice crashing into the icebox every twenty minutes.

I’ve been watching Il y a longtemps que je t’aime off an on for the day (amidst solving our drinking water problem etc.) I’ve had the film in my hard drive for forever, but I’ve somehow never got to it. It’s a slow-moving film that reminds me of A One and a Two, but with a sideline suspense plot.

It’s a story of how a mis-matched family comes together. A mute grandfather, estranged sisters, adopted Vietnamese daughters, Iraqi friends – a melting pot of characters quietly going about their lives. The addition of Juliette was a stone thrown in the waters, the original life was disturbed and ripples were formed, but the waters still returned to its former calmness. It speaks of how we can come to adapt and accept anything, of how truly flexible the human being is. A particular scene that stood out in its abruptness – the death of Juliette’s probation officer Capt. Fauré, which was quickly followed by news of a friend giving birth. Life follows death. Such are the eternal rules and cycle of life.

Kristin Scott Thomas was exceptional in the film. Her silence heavy and her face so movingly expressionless. She doesn’t say or do anything, but one can feel her pain almost tangibly. So strong is her desire to stay invisible that she almost melts into the background at some points. In the scenes when she’s walking in crowds of people, it is even hard to pick her out. She holds herself so tightly that when she flinches, there seems to be physical pain. There are multitudes of close-ups on her face – covered with fine lines and deep furrows, each line a testament to the pain she went through. Yet such haggardness fails to hide the delicate bone structure and skin – one can even see the faint outline of blue veins. The occasional times when she relaxes into a smile, it’s as if a light is thrown upon her and she suddenly becomes beautiful. Her etched face forms such juxtaposition with that of Léa – Juliette’s pale blue eyes and Léa’s earnest big brown eyes, Juliette’s drawn face with Léa’s round face. The difference between the sisters is so clear.

I don’t understand the language, so instead of listening to the words, I listen to how the words run together, the tempo and the tonality and emotion infused within. It’s a refreshing experience.

The ending was almost anti-climatic. We finally “discover” the secret, but at this point, we really don’t care. In fact, the rage, the shouting, the breaking down at the end felt melodramatic, and was a let down to an otherwise well-balanced film. I would have preferred it end on a quieter note – it felt more that Juliette has accepted the past, and didn’t need the “cathartic” moment.

On another note, I loved the French children’s song, “À la claire fontaine” that inspired the name of the film. The lyrics are so sweet.

À la claire fontaine,
M’en allant promener
J’ai trouvé l’eau si belle
Que je m’y suis baigné

Il y a longtemps que je t’aime
Jamais je ne t’oublierai

February 2, 2010

缓慢人生

Filed under: 心痕,戏痕 — by Yilise @ 5:46 AM

好久都没来更了。也许,是因为这些日子都没发生什么事。又或许是因为发生了些什么事,也不过是些平凡的事。更不更都一样,一日过一日,也就这么过了。

搬来华州后的日子,日子仿佛都过得很慢。很少出门。每天都窝在家里。工作,看戏。没工作时,就看些文。有时候看了些戏后,就想写些什么。可是又少了动力。往往写了两句,就停滞不前了。如前些日子,看了《父子》。看了郭富城和小吴景滔的演出,其实还是有感触的。尤其发现这部电影意外的竟然选马来西亚为背景,那些些微熟悉的南洋风光,让我看戏时多了些莫名的亲切感。看的不是导演版,不知如果看了多了40分钟的导演版后,会不会有不同的想法。不过据说剪掉的部分都是郭富城和林熙蕾的床戏。对杨采妮的印象停留在她和吴启隆演的《梁祝》和那一首《笑着流泪》,好久不见后的她,清秀中添了一股韵味。一个妈妈,再爱自己的儿子,还是更爱自己。无所谓原不原谅。母爱不是天性。人性才是天性。有人说郭富城的演技再好,也被他那六块腹肌出卖。没人会相信一个连家都无法保护的烂赌徒会有那个毅力与时间去练出那么好的身材。我看戏倒没那么仔细。看了《父子》后,我还蛮期待《杀人犯》的。

在这里做最多的,就是看戏。虽然我家没电视机。但,要看戏,频道还蛮多的。网上下载,图书馆借,Netflix借。资源源源不绝。老爸上次来的时候给我带来的好几套台剧,到现在还没看完。想之前教书三年的时候,几乎完全没碰到电视,现在,慢慢补全。

生活步伐过慢。有时会觉得是在浪费。浪费时间,浪费青春。心中会有种莫名的焦虑,仿佛有什么事情等待着我去做。而时间就快要错过。

可是另一方面,却也觉得现在的我正在深呼吸。

之前走得太快,太急,消耗的体力太多,也没什么好。

最近看了一篇文,其中有一句话,说,也许我们可以一起走得慢一点。然后,走得更长一点。

人,未必要在特定的时间完成,或做,一些特定的什么。毕竟人生不是程序。

今早收到消息,我小表妹给我添了个小外甥呢。

其实说小表妹也不太对。我这个表妹和我同年。我们打小住得近,一起玩,一起学习。我没姐妹,这个表妹,其实感觉就是和我一起长大,最亲的姐妹。小时候,我们还戏称自己是一对双生姐妹呢。还记得我结婚那一天,我们抱在一起哭得好惨。而现在,我这个姐妹,竟然为人母了。

佳,我们真的都长大了呢。这句话,在我们都当老师,都嫁人的时候,我都不说。可是在你都当妈妈的时候,我真的不得不承认了。人长大了,生活,距离,使我们不能如小时候那般亲了。我们不再能如小学毕业时那般,任性地认定我们一定要进同一间学校。接下来的人生,我们有各自的路。

可是,要记得哦。我们无论身在何处,都还是最初那两个亲得仿佛是双生姐妹的小女孩。那每个周末都在一起玩芭比娃娃的小女孩。那坚持要上同一间学校的小女孩。这不会因为时间和距离而改变。

无论在那儿,过着怎么样的人生,都祝福你,和你的小孩。健健康康,开开心心的。

好想看小婴儿长得怎样,像不像妈妈呢。

December 22, 2009

2nd Anniversary

Filed under: 心痕 — by Yilise @ 1:44 PM

Dim Sum.
A Love songs CD length Drive.
Seahorses.
Acrobatic Gibbons.
Sea Otters.
Point Defiance bay viewpoints.
Rose-gold sunset.
KFC & Root Beer Float.
Zoolights.
Best sushi in town.
Presents!
A dash of good luck, childish innocent fun and pretty views, good food and company makes for a perfect and soft rainy day 🙂

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