心语迹痕

May 31, 2008

random act of kindness

Filed under: 心田 — by Yilise @ 2:35 PM

had a frazzled day on friday. hit school at about 10am with a million and one things to do. stayed all the way to 645pm with the staff in charge of closing literally breathing down my neck while I scrawled students’ comments on their school council nomination forms which was due that day itself. so one can imagine my frustration when I couldn’t find the four library books that I packed into a paper bag to drop off at the esplanade library where I was meeting Gab for an a capella concert that night… I was late to meet Gab, not ready to leave yet, irritated beyond belief and frustrated as I shifted through my paper-strewn desk. I didn’t manage to finish all the tasks I was supposed to finish that day, still had emails un-sent and papers un-printed…and I had no time to come back to school next week and didn’t want to have to make an extra trip to find the missing library books on top of everything.

As Iris and Gus said, it wasn’t that big a deal, it’s only four books. But it added to the frustration of a already trying day filled with tons of last minute misc. tasks… many of which remained incomplete when I finally gave up and left the school. but the missing books remained on the back of my mind, through the evening and even this morning, inducing me to make calls to school to check if I somehow mislaid it on someone else’s desk. the frustrating thing is I simply cannot place where I left it.

had ktv with Gab after the concert last night, and only reached home at an unearthly hour of 4am in the morning, making me late for a church wedding in the morning. met Xinyi after for Sex and the City and a lovely dinner at Old School, wandering through chelsea-like art galleries after. did the ritual of weekend house-moving before finally sitting down to check my email…. only to see a notice from NLB that I “returned four library books” at Jurong West Community Library at 4pm on 30th May.

disbelief doesn’t even began to describe what I felt. disbelief and a heartwarming sensation one might describe as ‘moved’…

have no idea who and why and how… (becoz I still can’t place where and when I mislaid the darn books!)… … in the midst of the million of misc. tasks and every day routines… it may be a simple act of random kindness, but it made a difference…. it somehow made everything in my life seem brighter. it made me feel blessed.

whoever it is that dropped the four books off at Jurong West Community Library at 4pm on 30th May… if you somehow manage to see this… thank you. for being an angel in my life.

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May 27, 2008

rose blue

Filed under: 心田 — by Yilise @ 12:38 PM

feeling a little blue today….

perhaps it’s the skies, or it’s being surrounded by a couple of hundreds of fifteen and sixteen year olds… all hyped up in a camp. nothing like being wrapped in people and noise to emphasize one being all alone…

it’s the kind of time, when one has the epiphanies which are of no use at all…

nearing thirty years and nothing to show but for a good dose of cynicism and disillusionment…it’s not a pretty place to be in.

read something recently that made me question my so-called ethical values and all that I thought I believed in. a couple of things that happened recently also made me wonder about my moral values or lack thereof.

I remember a time when I believed in absolutes and also believed in not believing in absolutes. both at the same time.

good and bad,right and wrong, true and false.

it’s either or and nothing in between at all.

it’s either there or not or it’s invisible and hanging in the air.

it’s black or white and the rainbow of colors in between.

I’m not the same person I was one second ago. the things I believe in changing with every millisecond.

I’m not the person I thought I would be one second ago either.

there are different definitions of absolutes and ways of going to extremes.

we see life in facets. and the blind spots enables us to ignore the facets that we do not see. despite their undeniable existence

and why does it matter?

the skies blushed rose during dusk.

May 20, 2008

《死神の精度》

Filed under: 戏痕 — by Yilise @ 5:37 AM

最近工作用脑过度,周末娱乐时便偏爱做一些无需动脑的东西。看戏时也一样。一连串看了一些以往不屑花钱消费的chick flicks。在笑闹间,不知不觉,有些失去了以往看戏时的感觉。但,一部片子却带给我,以前看《情书》和《Il Mare》的感觉。说不上是什么,一种触心、带着距离的美感、清清淡淡的,是戏的原汁原味。

《死神の精度》

决定看时,带点冲动。在看另一部电影时看了预告片,临时起意。后来预告片的印象却不复记忆。只记得,有金城武。和一些模模糊糊似乎类似Meet Joe Black的剧情。

其实没有。和Meet Joe Black的剧情很不一般。

淡淡的一部片子。带着雨来,却期待蓝天的死神。单纯得有些天真,工作有些枯燥,无需多想,因为一切的事在他眼中如白骏过隙,黑与白分得那么的明确。每个人都得死,不过早晚,又有什么好想,好惧?人类,在他看来,想得太多,多得无聊。

他不多想,看什么,都有些直白。直白得可爱。他喜欢感觉。喜欢音乐,并没有偏爱。只要是音乐,就喜欢。

喜欢他的喜欢。并不澎湃。对着清秀的藤木一惠,对着义气的藤田和阿久津。他都是喜欢的。可他是死神,所以,他的喜欢,都是内敛的。只是细细的,以他的方式。

串联着的三节故事,一代接一代。所有的人都老了。他似乎都没变。是吗?

在最后一刻,阳光下,他明了了一切。身边的藤木一惠在风中笑着。霎那间,眼前一晃而过的,是那清秀不难看的她。才知道,原来,雨水,也可以是那么的甘甜。

一直记着,在第一节故事结束时,身边的黑色忠犬问道。怎么这次没有‘实行’?你爱上她了,对吧?

而他,没有回答。

死神是永恒的。而,这永恒,就注定了其他的无法永恒。

似乎,又见《情书》中,那站在白纱帘中的藤井树那朦胧的身影,亦是一晃而过,眨眼即不见。

朦胧,因为泪眼。

May 3, 2008

死性不改

Filed under: 乐迹 — by Yilise @ 1:11 PM

今天在听mp3时偶然听到一首歌。

亲爱的读者,你们也许会问,听mp3应该是听自己的音乐收藏,怎会是偶然呢?

当你的音乐收藏达变态的2991首,可连续播八天半而不重复时,你就有机会在听mp3时很偶然地听到许多首你不曾听过的歌了。

很多都是朋友给的,没太严厉地汰选,就丢进mp3里。有时随便听着,不小心就听到一俩首,我原来都不知道我有,而其实是很好的歌。

今天就听到这么一首。《死性不改》。

一首主题蛮特别的歌。教坏小孩的。但我喜欢。喜欢歌唱者的固执。很多人说不好,可是我觉得,真的懂得固执的人很少了。所以,偶尔遇到时,就很喜欢。

这首歌说着一个人,爱着她的情人。明知这个情人的情人不止自己一个。

情人死性不改。她也是。死性不改地不愿干脆砍断这份不该的感情,委屈求全地接受这个大众情人。

所以呢,朋友都说她傻,怎么就喜欢任一个又一个的情敌伤她。

而一次又一次的好意劝阻,在她耳中都成了黑心的教唆,徒然煽风点火。

她说,人天生根本不可能只爱身边的一个人。既然恋爱,就注定了众多的障碍。

谁叫自己,没了他就活不下。情人的众多情人她知道,也能处之泰然。不能的,是松手把情人放开。

死性不想改,不想改的是自己,也是情人吧。改了,就不是同一个人了。不管是多情但不专情的情人,或痴情的自己。

歌中的有一段对话。

点解要咁姐?
点解唔可以咁呀。
你唔觉得好辛苦咩?
辛苦,但系我钟意呀。
算吧啦。

辛苦,但是甘愿。开心吗?谁也不知道。但,是自己的选择。又有谁能说她不该呢?

好姐妹,也只能说一句,算了吧。

爱上了一个人,真的很恐怖,不是吗?

再不可思议,也能心甘情愿。

许许多多年轻时理想化的自己自认决不会接受的事,在面对失去一个真爱的人时,都灰飞烟灭不复存。

委屈吗?委屈不难。人的韧性,其实很可怕。

难在,教我如何没有你。

所以我,死性不想改。不该,但就不改。不改多情的本性。不改痴情的傻气。

谁叫我,喜欢你,没有任何的理由。

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