心语迹痕

October 30, 2006

Pensive

Filed under: 心田,心痕 — by Yilise @ 3:05 PM

Now Playing: Borrowed Angels – Kristin Chenoweth

Haven’t written for ages…. Despite the many events that happened lately… the Int’l Salsa Fest… the grueling 8-hour casino workshop… a salsa house party… the ending of school mish-mash of ceremonies and festivals… staying up to finish marking the mock exams…the messy end of school rush with the last minutes nagging at my kids for their paper… the last day of school… dinners and outings with friends that dotted in between…

Feeling a little down at the moment… think I overdosed myself on dance lately… with the 3 nights and 2 days of the fest where I lived and breathed salsa… 7 hour workshops for 2 consecutive days and dancing till 2 or 3 am for 3 consecutive nights… didn’t really feel like dancing last weekend… and union was quiet anyway… except for dancing with Marc which is always fun, but even he said he couldn’t really warm up on Sat… cut down on gym lately too… skipped gym when I planned to go 2 times already… went out for dinner with friends instead (double sin!)…

Feeling pensive… thinking about what is really important in my life at the moment… while cutting down on life itself… sometimes, I think about this so called “exciting” and “fulfilling” life I have… and think “Is this what makes me content?” … and I find that I don’t really have an answer… sometimes I really wish there is such a thing as a Pensieve… so I can stir my thoughts and truly reflect…

Had a strange dream last night… and it made me think… is achieving our dreams all that important? So what if I really do what I want to do? Finish my 3 years of teaching and go overseas to do my masters… live my life in the various countries I want to live in with P by my side … do a job that allows me to make a difference… open a bookshop and end my life with P in a seaside house in Greece or a lakeside house in Switzerland? Will it make me happy and content? I like to think so… but I really don’t know… what if it all happens and I find that this isn’t what I wanted all along? It’s scary… not knowing what you want…

I’ve always been the type that knows exactly what she wants in life… from a very very young age.. I’ve always known that I’ll do Chinese… there wasn’t ever a doubt. I’ve made mistakes in my choices… definitely…and there are things that I regret…wasted time and opportunities… but my life has pretty much turned out the way I wanted it to and I can’t complain…

But sometimes… when I look back and look forward and look at this moment… and wonder why I’m not as happy and I thought I will be when I reach this point of my life….

There must be Borrowed Angels, here in this life
They come along into this world and make this world bright
They reach a little deeper, they see what’s in your soul
And when they leave, you know, you’ll never let them go
But they can’t stay forever, cause they’re heaven sent
And sometimes, heaven needs them back again

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October 10, 2006

Six Degrees and Textures

Filed under: 心痕 — by Yilise @ 6:10 AM


I don’t know if it’s because I face so many different people everyday nowadays… students, colleagues, dance partners, gym friends… somehow I’m starting to find that a lot of different people remind me of different people (does that line make sense?)

Sometimes it’s just a profile, a side view that gives me a jolt and think “hey, isn’t that XXX?” only to find that it isn’t. Sometimes it’s a grin or a certain attitude that’ll make me ask the name just to see if the two different persons share the same surname… Sometimes it’s an entire conversation that makes me blink… it was so like talking to another person… the line of thought and the tone… the “feel” of talking to a person… how can it feel so similar when it’s two different people?

For the first time…I’m starting to find that people have different textures… and those textures can sometimes feel strangely familiar…a different form of six degrees?

October 9, 2006

Dance, Art, Musical

Filed under: 心痕 — by Yilise @ 2:03 AM

Now Playing: 牡丹江 – 南拳妈妈

Think I’m dancing too much…. My left knee hurts… It hurt before but the pain usually goes away when I stop dancing but now its kinda like a permanent ache. Also, it never hurt for salsa before, only for jazz and my other fitness stuff like body jam or combat… well… what to do…

Originally wanted to stay late on Saturday at Union… but danced too much at the first two hours… didn’t count the number of dances I did… but a friend commented that he saw me on the dance floor almost the whole night… and when I danced with Dino after eleven, I was almost falling asleep when waiting for him to start and my response was really slow… he said I’ve probably danced too much that night. Felt very tired…. Perhaps because of the knee… or perhaps because of other reasons… anyway, left at eleven forty and caught the last mrt/bus home. Went home and watched the Cheaper by the Dozen dvd I rented from fitness first.

Well… it’s the salsa fest this weekend… will enjoy that… and see if I’ll cut down slightly after… maybe I just need rest… just feel very mellow… missing the fun of enjoying the dance for the dance… somehow it feels more like practice on Sat..

Took a day for myself on Sunday though… no dancing no marking… just a day for myself… Went to the Art of Cartier exhibition at the National Museum which is almost unrecognizable… its all very elegantly done up and reminds me of the museums overseas when all the glossy white walls and glass panels…. The exhibition itself is fascinating… there’s a very good guide who gives little anecdotes which I love though I only caught the latter part of her guide. There are intriguing pieces that I would love to know more about… the stories behind each and every piece so lovingly carved and put together… especially those that are made to order. I always loved jewelry (a fact P can unhappily attest to), the enduring beauty and the stories they hold….

Watched Tick Tick Boom at night… heard some bad reviews and I know it wasn’t all that well-received when it first came out, so I was bracing myself for a disappointment. It wasn’t though, although it wasn’t exactly fantastic, but it was okay. It was an insight to the life of Jonathon Larson before Rent… kinda like a preview or a buildup. I can see the style that leads to the Rent. Overall, quite enjoyable… and I did like the last song and the way it turned from a climax to the happy birthday song…

It was a quiet and reflective day… something I need more of… missing Boston… the days with P and snow falling outside and a hot drink and a book on my lap… days of quiet contentment…


到不了的都叫做远方
回不去的名字叫家乡

October 3, 2006

Counting my Blessings

Filed under: 心痕 — by Yilise @ 2:06 AM

Deeply mired in the quicksand pit of marking, marking and more marking…developing a permanent headache and white hairs… I wake up marking, escape from marking by marking, and I sleep marking…

Scribbled this list down during invigilation just now and am taking 5 minutes to type these 10 little happiness and blessings from these marking-filled days to save myself from insanity and imminent brain-dead-ness… to prove to myself, my life is NOT all marking and there are things to be happy for…

1. Had a wonderful night dancing on Saturday…
salsa-ed till past midnite and did a number of lovely dances …
2. Dinner with my mom and brother at Sakae, a rare outing with my family…
3. Tea with Lin on Mon, it’s always sweet to see her…
4. Half an hour of frenzied shopping of retail therapy, came away with 3 pretty skirts and 2 tops.
5. Great Lyrical Jazz class last night, felt good about myself…
6. My jazz friend gave me a lift home! Saving me at least forty minutes of extra sleep
7. P managed to find a number of my favorite salsa and bachata songs recently,
songs that I spent ages looking for to no avail
8. Today is Tuesday = Fried Chicken Day!
9. Meeting Fen for a dinner date at Naxos on Wed, dance, dinner and a good friend!
Looking forward to the relaxation…
10. I finally, finally, finally managed to finish my blood-sucking sec. 3 essay papers!… papers that make me want to literally tear my hair out and breaks my heart with all these people that I’m failing… its finally done and I can finally move on to the sec. 1 essays which are narrative and will hopefully be a breeze after the sec. 3 torture.

And now… it’s back to the grind…

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